Well bloggers, it's December 20th, 2012, and you know what that means.
Yup, just one more day before oblivion to tidy up affairs and post those last minute posts.
Of course, those of us with boats that can go out on the big, badass ocean with accommodation onboard for pooping aren't sweating it too much. We can just sail off into the sunset like we've always planned to do anyway.
And now's a good time to do that for another reason. You wouldn't want to leave on a Friday, would you?
But what about those of us with boats too small for an extended ocean passage? What are those poor unfortunates to do? I think I'd look for solace in some distilled products and maybe, at last, dust off that old bible that you've never opened.
You know what they say. There are no atheists in
But what's that?
You can't find your bible? I was afraid of that. Well, as always here at O Dock, we step up at crucial moments of peril and provide the vital resources our readers need to make it through the day, and possibly through all eternity.
So, if you have only a small boat and can't find your bible anywhere, here is a small snippet of it that should work in a pinch, or even if you're footing off:
The Laser's Prayer
The Laser is my shepherd, I shall not want.
It maketh me to lie down in strange postures,
It saileth me through the still waters, it restoreth my soul,
It leadeth me in the paths of starboard tackers for the wind's sake.
Yea, though I roll downwind in the shadow of death,
I shall fear no evil, for thou art with me.
Thy vang and thy sheet they comfort me.
Thou preparest a regatta before me in the presence of mine enemies,
thou annointest my head with a trophy,
my cup runneth over.
Surely, soreness and mildew shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the fleet of the Laser forever.
Blessed are you when men revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on account of your being a Laser sailor. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great at the yacht club bar, for so men persecuted the Laser sailors who were before you.
ReplyDeleteFunny thing, I thought Laser sailors persecute followers of other sects, e.g., Force 5 sailors.
ReplyDeleteBlessed are you when Force 5 sailors revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on account of your being a Laser sailor. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great at the yacht club bar, for so men persecuted the Laser sailors who were before you.
ReplyDeleteYea, verily, I say unto thee, the Laser sailors shall flock together as sheep and lay down their sails and beat them into oars. And Brits among them shall say, "Thems ain't 'ores, thems me sisters."
ReplyDeleteBawahahahahahahah
DeleteYes, all well and good, but back to the topic of impending oblivion. How shall we spend our final hours? Amidst all this fine biblical sailor chat, how about we lively up the discussion?
ReplyDeleteBetter yet, if you are seeking apocalyptic fulfillment on the last day of b'ak'tun 13, Tillerman has the number.
DeleteActually there was an atheist on Fox News just now. (Not that I watch Fox News, you understand.) I just happened to click over there by mistake during the commercial break on MSNBC.)
ReplyDeleteIt was some chap called David Silverman who apparently is President of American Atheists. It was quite amusing for a minute or two to watch him running rings around Hannity and answering Hannity's rather pathetic attacks on atheists because, for example, (he thinks) atheists believe that "nothing comes from nothing."
Of course Hannity was wrong. Nothing doesn't come from nothing. It comes from O Docker's blog.
Nothing?? We are thankful for the Laser's Prayer. Omen.
DeleteSorry about that O. It came out of nothing.
DeleteAstrophysicists, like Lawrence Klaus, using quantum mechanics and special relativity, say that the universe may indeed come from nothing. http://youtu.be/9urEFoaI1iY I don't think he'll be invited to FOX snooze anytime soon.
DeleteAshes to ashes. Nothing to nothing. Anyone for cliff diving?
DeleteSorry about the extra ). It came out of nothing.
ReplyDeleteHokey smokes!
ReplyDeleteI leave this blog for a few hours and return to a holy war. I offer a simple prayer of comfort on the eve of the apocalypse, and find brother against brother, sailor against sailor. I should have known not to bring up religion.
We are not a nation of Laser states and Force 5 states. We are the United States of America.
We are not a nation of keelboat states and dinghy states. We are the United States of America.
Well, at least until tomorrow.
It is tomorrow...somewhere...maybe. verily verily i say unto you. It is all the same day except , well, in Middle-earth, where it is yesterday.
DeleteIt's middle day in Middle earth. Yesterday.
DeleteWe're prepared. We have a Hobie with berths and a head. Besides, I've explored Maya ruins and have worked very hard to interpret what they say... and it's not what's been reported in the popular press. The voice of Chac Mool has revealed how one can escape the end by
ReplyDeleteI hope we haven't lost Pat to the apocalypse. He seems to have disappeared in mid-sentence, before he could give us the key to salvation. But Chac-Mool wasn't necessarily a Mayan god.
DeleteAccording to Wikipedia, which faileth us not, Chac Mool statues depict "a human figure in a position of reclining with the head up and turned to one side, holding a tray over the stomach. The meaning of the position or the statue itself remains unknown."
To me, it sounds like the Chac Mool statues were some kind of Mayan beer advertisement, so Chac Mool may indeed have held the answer to making the best of a bad situation.
All this is blastfame!
ReplyDeleteBlastfame! I want to glow forever- I want to learn how to fry
DeleteYou may get the chance, Baydog. But wouldn't you prefer pan searing to frying?
DeleteAt any rate, let us know how you're coping with the apocalypse. It should reach you about three hours before we have to deal with it in California.
Does that mean we in London get wiped out couple of hours before the US? That is so unfair.
DeleteThough to be honest if those that say it was the best year ever are right we might as well go out on a high.
The Mayans were in Central time, or, as they would have said, GMT - 6:00.
DeleteThat means we have still have about 2 hours and 22 minutes at risk for the Apocalypse to rain down.
Wait a second, folks...
DeleteI think I hear the sound of horses trotting down the street...
Not sure, but it could be four?
Chilling...
Never mind. They're Clydesdales.
DeleteIt's the Budweiser beer wagon delivering provisions for my neighbor's holiday party tomorrow.
What a disappointment.
This is the way the world ends
DeleteNot with a bang but a whimper.
Sorry I took a while to respond to you, Mojo, and to some others who commented, but I've been locked in my wine cellar all day, looking after my Carignane. I wasn't coming out until the 21st was clearly behind us.
ReplyDeleteI figured the wine cellar was as good a spot as any to witness the end, and what better place to savor a long, smokey finish.
Actually, I don't think the Mayans predicted anything too violent, only that the world would end. And they may have been speaking figuratively. It could be they meant only that all WiFi would stop working, which, in Silicon Valley, is pretty much the same thing.
Sometimes I wonder about the sanity of my sailing friends over there!!! I love your kind of humour, guys... I think I'll put this article on my FaceBook page. "Surely, soreness and mildew shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the fleet of the Laser forever." Amen Halleluja!!!
ReplyDelete