Wotthehell?

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Some things, you just can't make up.

Walking to my boat this weekend, for the first time in about three months, I was taken aback.

I was taken afront.

I was just plain taken.

What was this? How could this be? Had the fates decided that my life hasn't been eventful enough lately?

Meet the new boat on O Dock:

Of all the docks, in all the marinas, in all the world, she sails into mine. And right in my face, too. I have to walk right past this boat to get to mine.

Is my little cockroach friend, Arnold, having some fun with me?

He was, supposedly, a vers-libre poet in a former life. Is this some form of poetic justice?

Is this his way of suggesting he needs some blogging companionship? Will he be inviting in friends to join him in his tapdance across my keyboard in the wee hours?

If all of this cockroach talk has you baffled, you can find out more about Mehitabel's namesake here.


I haven't met the owners yet. It's possible the boat has been in the marina for a while. There's been a lot of slip shuffling lately since they rebuilt some of the oldest  docks on the other side of the marina.

(You may remember that Superblogger Edward used to keep his boat over on one of those hardscrabble docks and was forced to move when the reconstruction began.)

I don't recognize what type of boat this is, but it's probably from the mid-70s. More as I find out. Here's a slightly wider shot. Anyone have any idea what kind of boat or maybe know something about this particular one? On the interwebs, I did find an Islander 27 named Mehitabel in Seattle, but this is definitely not it.

Think of this as a photo quiz without the free hat.

Wotthehell is going on?

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The Mad Hatter

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Some blog posts begin with the best of intentions. But, sometimes we assume too much.

You may know the old adage:

When you assume, you make a blogger out of you and out of me.


For my last post, I thought I had the perfect formula for a successful post:

- An online quiz and googling contest - which, you may have heard, are very popular today.

- A picture of a cute kid wearing a funny hat.

- A guaranteed prize of a free hat, which is very rare today (there seldom being such a thing as a truly free hat).

How could I miss? The perfect formula for the perfect blog post. Well, like the producers of the halftime show at the SuperBowl sometimes discover, the perfect formula can sometimes end in a shambles, no matter how many people you have wearing funny costumes.


You may know the old adage:

When you assume, you make a black-eyed pea out of you and out of me.

As much as I like the crab hat featured in my last post, and as much as I would still like to have one, it turns out there is a very good reason why I couldn't find one on The Google, and why anyone who tried probably couldn't find it either. It appears the hats have not been marketed commercially for some time. I figured, since the wearer of the hat in the photo was of fairly recent vintage, that the hat was too.

You may know the old adage:

When you assume, you make a little pooper out of you and out of me.

I also figured that since the wearer of the hat was Tillerman's grandkid, that Tillerman would know of the hat's origins and so, for fairness to other contestants, he should be declared ineligible to compete.

Bad call.

As it turns out, Tillerman is one of the few people on the planet who actually does know where the hat comes from, which significantly limited the field of potential contestants. I did go back to The Google and, try as I might, found no reference to that crab hat I hold so dear. It is on the internets, but you really need to know where to start looking to have any chance of finding it.


You may know the old adage:

When you assume, you make a crustacean out of you and out of me.

The hat does have an interesting story though, which, thanks to Tillerman, I have been able to unravel. The guy who originally designed and made it is something of an artist who has created a whole series of cleverly designed hats, as well as other artwork, too. You can view his art at his web site here, and here are a few photos of his hats, stolen from his web site, for which I will probably be sued for copyright infringement.

You may know the old adage:

When you assume, you make a defendant out of you and out of me.

All photos copyright Tom Hyndman

But the hats are just the beginning of what is, for me, a far more interesting story.

The artist, Tom Hyndman, while minding his business and trying to survive as an artist in Syracuse, New York, happened into one of those quirks of happenstance a few years ago that many people dream about finding their whole lives.

He won what amounted to a lottery of sorts to become caretaker of a three hundred-year-old inn owned by the Scottish government on one of the most remote of the remote Shetland Islands, halfway between the mainland of Scotland and never-never land. He's technically in the UK, but closer to Oslo, Norway than London, on an island so small that it's accessible only by boat. Oh, heck - accessible only by boat.

Here is the crummy old place he now lives in.

And here is the insufferable view out his front window that torments him, day in and day out.

But it gets worse.

Even that depressing view is blocked half the time by these funny looking birds (which are, for some reason, popular with surfers on Long Island). These birds are in the way, no matter where you look.

And, half the time, he can't get out of his driveway, because it is blocked by flocks of Shetland sweaters on the hoof.

Tom's island is occupied by 65 people, 1200 of the sweaters on the hoof, and about 50,000 of the funny birds. And by a whole lot of other kinds of critters, from which he draws inspiration for the designs of his hats and other artwork.

So, you may want to take a look at Tom's web site if you are someone who likes fish or funny birds, or if you live in the UK, or if you used to live in the UK, or even if you are just fascinated by those rare places on this planet that still look a lot like they did before those of us who walk upright started messing everything up.

Oh, a few more words about hats. Tom's web site says he sells his hats directly now, but I don't know which ones are available or how much they cost. I think you have to e-mail him if you want some.

And if you think that you might like to visit Tom, you can. The old inn, or auld inn I should say, is now a B&B, so I'm sure Tom would love to see you.

So, I apologize if I led you on a wild hat chase. But, the chase took me somewhere I never expected to get, which, in this case, turned out to be a good thing for me, and, I hope, for you, too. There won't be a free hat after all, but, then again, there seldom really is.

This did prove that the internets and Mr. Google can lead you to places and people you never knew existed, if you know how to fly them (the internets, not the people). And if you read the label on your grandkid's hat.

And I am still interested in getting one of the crab hats - which must be one of the best sailing hats you can wear. But another of Tom's hats caught my eye, so I may have to get one of those, too:

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Win This Free Hat

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This post is bound to get me in trouble with someone.

But do I care?

No.

I am on a quest and I am determined.

I am prepared to pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship** to obtain the object of that quest.

And doing so means that, inevitably, I will raise the ire of some - probably some of the following:

- Arnold the cockroach, who thinks I already waste too much time on Googling contests that appear on other people's blogs

- Tillerman - whom I am always managing to tick off for one reason or another

- the easily annoyed activist group People for Shellfish Sensitivity, Education, and Defense (PISSED)


So what is the object of this quest and why is it worth ticking people off?



It is nothing less than this hat:

This photo showed up on a recent Tillerman blog post. I'm not quite sure what the post is about. I've read it three times now and still don't know. Which is unusual for me because I generally understand his posts by the second reading.

The post has something to do with Disney Toy Story movies, Randy Newman, Tillerman's daughter-in-law's blog, and a kid wearing a crab hat.

I don't care about most of that, but - holy crap - I've got to have one of those hats. Wouldn't that make one of the coolest sailing hats ever?

So, as usual, I started Googling to find the hat online, but didn't see it in the first page of Google hits. I'm pretty lazy and easily distracted by all of the photos that show up in any Google image search, so, as usual, I gave up by the end of the first page.

I even tried to leave some broad hints over on Tillerman's blog that he award the hat to someone who could figure out the answer to a puzzle that I already knew the answer to. No go. He was on to my little game.

 But then I had one of those epiphanic moments.

Why should I do all of this work to find the crab hat when my readers could do that for me?

So here is the O Dock Crab Hat Challenge.

Find out where I can buy the hat that appears in the photo above and I will buy two of those hats.

One for me, of course, and one for the first person who posts the answer in the comments here.

For once, you actually will win a free hat, if any hat can be said to be truly free.

Employees of Proper Course and members of their immediate families are ineligible to enter this part of the contest, but there's a second way to win, for which they and all others are eligible.

If you can suggest a better sailing hat than the crab hat, I will consider those suggestions and will then buy two of those hats, one for me and one for you. But I think it's highly unlikely that a better sailing hat than the crab hat exists.

Decision of the O Dock judges will be final, but may be influenced by appropriate bribery.

As usual, anyone may post off-topic comments, grammatical or content-related corrections, or anything that will lift the level of discussion here.

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**Don't you just hate it when a citation is referenced to an asterisked footnote and then there's no asterisked footnote anywhere on the page? Well, we're much more considerate of our readers here on O Dock. This is the asterisked footnote that is referred to at the beginning of this post.

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what is smart

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hi

arnold again

what a butthead o docker has been lately

he runs around the office here like a blogger without a head with no time to work on his blog

and then he spends what spare time he does have working out the answers to the contests that have been showing up on other bloggers blogs

it seems to be the latest trend in blogging

quotation contests photo contests old movie contests

what is he trying to prove anyway

it s not like it used to be when smart people were the ones with all of the answers in their heads

today no one has any answers in their heads

the answers are all on google and you try to make yourself look smart by outgoogling other googlers

is that smart

or is that being a butthead


don t get me wrong

google can be a wonderful thing

it makes it easy to track down a lot of stuff that it used to take forever to track down

and the more you google the more you know how to google


but knowing a lot of facts has never really been a sign of smart

does anyone remember cliff clavin

if you don t you could find him on google

what a butthead

sometimes o docker reminds me of cliff clavin


i think smart has always been what you do with the facts that you have

be those facts in a book in your head or on google

knowing which facts are the important ones has always taken some smarts

and stringing the right facts together so that they make sense and help you find your way through life has always been a job for smart people


uh oh here he comes again

what is it tonight

where is this beach

what is this boat

who put the bomp

in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp


contests are a lot of fun but isn t it smart to just have fun with them

and not mistake winning a googling contest for being smart


most cockroaches know that



arnold

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Valis At The Bridge

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The Outlook wasn't brilliant for the Valis two that day:
The ebb was running heavy as they got under way.
And then the wind went three knots, then two knots, then to one,
The Valis crew would be adrift, before their day was done.


Some lesser boats headed home in the troughs. but Valis on a crest
Clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
They thought, if only the number one would fly upon its stay,
They'd put up even money, that Valis could win the day.


But the sportboats nipped at Valis , as did the Moore 24's,
And the former were a terror and the latter would suck their doors;
So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy stayed,
For there seemed but little chance of Valis ever winning the day.


But as they drifted to the line, to the wonderment of all,
A zephyr floated under the gate, and shatttered the deathly pall;
And when the dust had lifted, and the men saw what had occurred,
Valis had safely started and the Moores were flipping the bird.


Then from 5,000 throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled through the valley, it rattled in the dell;
It knocked upon the mountain and recoiled upon the ridge,
For Valis, mighty Valis, was advancing to the bridge.


There was ease in Valis' manner as she slipped by Marina Green;
There was pride in Valis' bearing and smiles could be seen.
And when, responding to the cheers, she deftly popped the chute,
No stranger in the crowd could doubt 'twas Edward yelling, "Woot!".


Ten thousand eyes were on them as run turned into reach;
Five thousand tongues had warned them to keep it off the beach.
Then while the writhing after guy snarled with every jibe,
They snuck behind Treasure Island on the changing tide.


And now what passed for reaching wind came hurtling through the air,
And Valis did the best she could in haughty grandeur there.
Close by the sturdy helmsman, the trimmer eased it out.
"That ain't my style," said Valis, and eyebrows rose in doubt.


From the crowds at Berkeley marina, there went up a muffled roar,
Like the beating of the storm-waves on a stern and distant shore.
"Trim it! Trim the main in!" shouted someone on the stand;
And its likely that's what saved them as they took the sheet to hand.


With a smile of Christian piety great Valis' visage shone;
They slowly closed on Red Rock; they just might make it home;
Once more the great wheel spun, once more the luff did shake;
Upon a wing, upon a prayer, Red Rock was in their wake.


"Hope!" cried the frantic thousands, and echo answered hope;
But scornful looks from the helmsman turned the audience to dopes.
They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain,
For the sun was dropping mighty fast as they crossed the bay again.


The sneer is gone from Edward's lip, his teeth are set and foaming;
He pounds with cruel violence winch handle on the coaming.
And now into the purple dusk Valis reaches slow,
And now the air is dwindling and now has ceased to blow.


Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men hoist tankards, and swing them right and left;
But there is no joy in Berkeley - mighty Valis has DNF'd.

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Perspective

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The last post on this blog may have puzzled some readers.

It was written by a cockroach named arnold who has taken up residence in my computer keyboard at work.

Normally, for computer bugs, I just run a Norton or Symantec scan, but I have decided to coexist peacefully with arnold.

I kind of like the little guy. Being a cockroach, he forces me to look at life from a different perspective, and sometimes that can be a good thing. He takes things a little more seriously than I do, and has little patience for my usual buffoonery.

Things around O Dock have gotten more hectic lately and I've had less time for blogging than I used to. Allowing arnold to guest blog has taken some of the pressure off me. arnold and I have never actually met, face to antennae. But I have enough confidence in him that I've sent him an e-mail asking if any of his friends might also be interested in guest blogging here. I'm not sure where that might lead.

I've been writing this blog for about a year and a half, now - long enough to take stock of just what the heck it is I'm doing. When I started, I had no idea what I would blog about. It's not like I go sailing every few days and could write about that. And I'm an expert on practically nothing in the world of sailing. Any sailing subject you can think of already has six bloggers writing about it who are better informed than I am.

Nevertheless (how often do you get to start a sentence with 'nevertheless' anymore?), I seem to have found a precarious niche in the sail blogging world, judging from the response to most posts. I will still try to fill that niche if I ever figure out exactly what it is.

But I will also keep trying new things, too. And considering my unstable mental state, those new things could turn out to be downright shocking.

Consider yourself warned.

Arnold took on quite a task for a cockroach in his last post, writing about a serious and potentially delicate subject.

Maybe some people were offended by a cockroach discussing such a subject. I guess you could see that as trivializing or demeaning the memory of a man who is respected more than most of this country's political leaders, and who managed to accomplish more than most of our presidents have. For me, arnold's unique perspective helped me to see a few things I might not have realized about a great man, so I let his post stand. I'm still responsible for everything that gets posted here.

At any rate, arnold has asked me to apologize to you if he stepped on some toes.

With six legs, it's a lot easier for him to step on toes.

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did you go sailing today

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hi

arnold the cockroach again

it has been awfully quiet around the office where o docker works today

just about everyone had the day off but i wonder how many of them remember why

after a few years have passed it is hard to remember much about where holidays come from - only that we get another day to go sailing or skiing or to hang out at the shopping mall

how many think much about veterans on veterans day

or about the guy they named christmas for when it is his birthday

o docker is a butthead just like the rest of them - for him this is just another three day weekend

but we cockroaches remember more than most people do about why today is a holiday


dr king was one of those rare creatures

rare for a human or for a cockroach

he thought more about the well being of other creatures than he thought about himself

and he taught us that if we want others to respect us we must first respect ourselves

in fact if we concentrate on making ourselves worthy of our own respect everything else will start to fall into place

without a lot of yelling and hollering

what a simple and yet powerful idea that is

if others see that we respect ourselves they will respect us too

not everyone agreed with dr king but in the end more did than did not

that is probably why they made his birthday a holiday



for everyone



so why do cockroaches remember dr king

well cockroaches often have a hard time with our self respect

humans are always beating up on us pretty bad and it is easy to think that we are not worth much

in fact the worst thing that humans do to us is rob us of our self respect

cockroaches have been around for millions of years and have a heritage and culture we can be proud of

it is not our fault if humans are stupid about that

we cockroaches perform some pretty valuable work

we do a lot of the work that humans think they are too good to do

like cleaning the crumbs out of typewriter keyboards

o docker would never get down here to clean out his own keyboard

who does he think is going to do that

if it were not for cockroaches - working out of the light where we are seldom noticed - crumbs would just pile up until everything just ground to a halt

we are no lesser creatures because of the work that we do

it is not our fault that all that is left to us most of the time is just the crumbs


some people think that dr king was working to help only people of his own culture

that culture has now become so mainstream that it is easy to forget about some of the harder struggles of 50 years ago

it is too tempting to just go shopping

but cockroaches everywhere know better than that

some of us are still struggling for our dignity and for our self respect

if the struggle is at all easier than it used to be we probably have dr king to thank for that

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