September 1, 2009

The Pseudoblog

I've been gently persuaded by some folks to start writing a blog - mainly by a bunch of irate bloggers who are fed up with me monopolizing the comments pages on their blogs.

So this blog could be considered a public service of sorts. If I'm busy writing posts here, I'll have less time to be putting a lot of wise-butted comments on all of those other blogs. And I'll also be giving those other bloggers a chance to get some well-earned revenge.

You see, the neat thing about leaving disruptive comments without actually having a blog of your own is that the blogger has no way to get even. They can try to respond to your wiseacre remarks, but that just creates more of a disruption on their own blog. So, after doing some deep soul searching, I've decided to man up to my responsibilities and give those other bloggers a way to fight back. It's going to be rough - I'll probably come out of this bruised and beat up - but it's only fair.

I undertake a blog with a distinct handicap - I don't know boo about anything.

Most of the sailing and water bloggers who I've been tormenting for the past year are experts - or nearly experts - at something. Despite all of the fooling around and goofing, each one has something they really know about.

Carol Anne is an expert on the mechanics of the English language. She's probably one of the few who will have noticed that I should have used 'whom' at the beginning of the preceding paragraph.

Tillerman is well-respected in the Laser community - he may not finish every regatta at the top of the fleet, but he's been sailing Lasers long enough and hard enough that he can write authoritatively about his sport.

(He's also the powerful Godfather of the sailblogging community who mysteriously moved from New Jersey to Rhode Island, where he keeps a low profile. As he presided over the recent wedding of his son at a posh New England yacht club, representatives of US Sailing were taking license numbers in the parking lot. Be careful what you say about him.)

Bonnie is an accomplished kayaker and a spark plug in the New York paddling community - she's well connected and knows what's going on. And on top of that, she knows how to grow basil. That last part just blows me away.

Captain JP is our man about town in London. Few events of note that occur on or around the Thames escape his observant eye. He holds the current world record for the sailing blog with the lowest incidence of the first person singular personal pronoun.

Greg Andkris is supremely talented at making connections in his community. In just his first year sailing on the Williamette, he's on a first name basis with nearly the entire Portland Fire Department.

Joe Rouse is one of the world's foremost authorities on fish.

And if you want to know almost anything about sailing, from how to destroy an aqualift muffler to how to prepare for one of the world's most grueling fishing regattas, who else would you consult than superblogger Edward?

I have no such expertise. I have a boat that I sail on San Francisco Bay whenever I can, which isn't very often because I live 90 miles away from it and spend three out of four boat weekends just trying to keep it in good enough shape to sail.

Since there's not much sailing content in my life to chronicle, this will be a kind of pseudoblog, then. When something in another sailing blog generates the usual scattered thoughts in my head, I'll curb the temptation to blab all over the comments page of a real blog, where it would bug a lot of people. Instead, I'll try to get a post up here. It seems like the only humane thing to do. Occasionally, I do have an original idea of my own, so I may write those up, too.

I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, sweat, and puns.

Let the Pseudoblog begin.



  1. Come now, everyone, this blog has been in service for two weeks and nobody has tormented its author with snide, sophomoric, or obnoxious comments.

    Is everyone out sailing or kayaking or windsurfing or researching mermaid portraiture or drawing water colors of antique Dutch yachts or something else worthwhile? You've been invited to contribute your expertise and clever repartee, but it takes more than one to get the party going.
    Desert Sea

  2. I don't know how you found us, Pat, but the doors weren't supposed to open for a few days.

    Not all of the furniture is in place yet, but as long as you're here, pull up a chair and have some coffee. You're our very first customer.

    Welcome to O Dock.

  3. You really don't need to apologize for not knowing boo about anything. You're a journalist, right? Then you don't have to know boo about anything. Or at least I didn't have to know much when I was on the sports desk of a major daily newspaper -- just which teams were AL and which were NL, and stuff like that.

    Confirmation word: outpot. Is that what you do when your basil gets root-bound? Or is is something for people who can't afford the whole outhouse?

  4. In the Desert Sea , we become very good at finding water. Agua es vida -- water is life.

    So, to be totally horribly incorrigible and change the question to "How do you find O Dock?":

    Left on Constitution, left on Louisiana, left on I-40 for 676 miles, merge to the 15, CA 58, cut across Tehachapi Pass, take one of the connecting CA highways to run I-5 up the central valley dodging the flying tomatoes from trucks during harvest time, west on I-580 for 65 miles, exit on University Ave. past the marina office toward the Berkeley Pier, turn right on Seawall toward the Berkeley YC, all in all about 1,088 miles.

    Piece of cake. Unless we come by sea, drift too far north on a minus tide, and hit the Berkeley Reef.

    (And we've been thinking of a very similar journey because we have a friend with a 35-foot S2 in Richmond.)

  5. Carol Anne, I can't thank you enough.

    In that simple comment, I think you've solved one of life's greatest mysteries for me. It's amazing how a few well-organized thoughts can give us a whole new perspective on fundamental questions that have puzzled us all our lives.

    I think my basil may very well be root-bound.

  6. Pat, I'm starting to think you have some sort of web cam following me around. First, you found out about the blog and now you know about our flying tomatoes - the local chambers of commerce try pretty hard to hush that up.

  7. Actually, the big tip-off to the location of your blog was when somebody visited Five O'Clock Somewhere via a link from it. As for the tomatoes ... well, I may have been on the sports desk, but my college coursework did include investigative journalism. I even got in on reporting a major scandal when I was news editor of the college newspaper. I find things people would rather cover up.

  8. Excellent, the O Dock is open for business, time to sharpen those pencils!

    ps Buff very put out he didn't get a mention, and has hinted that he gave you a host of post ideas - is that true?

  9. Buff's right, JP.

    He's the one who gave me the idea to say "I don't know boo about anything."

  10. Well well well, O-dock is open! The Godfather should have a great time here. Edward maybe too busy swimming and fixing mufflers to comment for a while.

  11. Zen, you really should check out the ad at the bottom of the page. There's no telling where it could lead.

  12. Oops, I was going to say "pstion" - my secret-code-word and also an O and an I short of "position", which I think is half the battle in basil-growing!

    How To Grow Basil:

    1. Move to Brooklyn.
    2. Find yourself a bit of available land where you can make a big box.
    3. Buy dirt. Dirt cheap? No, dirt expensive. Buy it anyways, lord knows what is buried in that available land. Fill your big box with expensive dirt.
    4. Buy basil seeds.
    5. Plant basil seeds.
    6. Water, weed and wait.
    7. Get impatient. Buy seedlings.
    8. Plant seedlings.
    9. Weed, water and wait.
    10. MAKE PESTO!!!!

    First step is the doozy, I guess.

    Carol Ann could do one like that about growing hot peppers, hers would start with:

    1. Move to New Mexico.

    Canarsie won't work for hot peppers. You can plant the peppers and they will grow but repeated Sebago Digger experiments prove that hotness will not happen.

    Fortunately the West Indian influence means that a packet of soup greens at the greengrocer automatically comes with a Scotch Bonnet thrown in. Arriba!

    Welcome to the blog end of the blogosphere!

  13. Bonnie, thanks for the valuable instructions.

    I have some ugly confessions to make about basil. But what is a blog for, if not to bare one's soul? Watch this space...

  14. I have to say I am deeply disappointed by this blog. We all know that our man Oh is funny, clever and just a little bit snippety. Wouldn't it have been perfect to have comments closed? At least moderated?

  15. Actually, I was thinking of just doing the one post and putting up everything else here on the comments page.

    I feel so much more comfortable here.

  16. Geeze. I knew this blog was going to take the world by storm. 17 comments already. I haven't had 17 comments on a post for almost 3 weeks. I may as well just pack the whole thing in now.

  17. I think that's because half the comments are mine. I really didn't think I'd be hogging the comments page on this blog.

  18. i see a pattern emerging: the bulk of your "posts" will be comments on your own posts. why am i not surprised?? seriously, blogging is research . .. throw questions out that you wish to know answers to, and they will arrive. welcome to your space. will aka tugster

  19. What is the most comments on a sailing blog ever?

    The most I ever had was 30 on a post about vacationing in Cape Cod. Most of those were tillerman and his offspring discussing Rhode Island history though.

  20. I think it may have been when Tillerman shut down without warning last winter.

    The uproar from his intergalactic fanbase was epic. At least he answered the Zen question:

    What is the sound of no Tillerman blogging?

  21. I think the only time I ever broke 25 comments was the time I picked a fight with the Couple Spends 1000 Days At Sea thread from Sailing Anarchy.

    I don't think that really counts though. Trollbaiting is a total cheater way to get comments.

    The day everybody started doing their own "Ogma's" was probably the second best by count - but hands down number one for sheer, unexpected entertainment!

  22. hey tugster, we gotta talk Graveyard!

  23. There's another one that's almost as much fun as the Ogma thing, but a lot less work.

    Bonnie Bonnie Bo-Bonnie, Banana-fana Fo-Fonnie...

    Careful now, don't try it with 'O Docker'

  24. No, "focker" is not a nice thing to call somebody, is it?

  25. I think the most comments I got was 51 when I wrote Random Ripples and Reflections last January... and then didn't post anything else for a couple of weeks. The original Mommy Boats post got 36.

    Looks like O Docker is on track to break my record with his first post.

    A star is born!

  26. This comment has been removed by the author.

  27. Well, I hope that's the right quote, not,

    "Fasten your seatbelts..."

  28. Just one question, though.

    Are you bloggers allowed to sleep?

    Or eat?

    OK, I guess that was two questions.

  29. No, they are not, and that is two questions.

    That link on the bottom is deep, it leads back on it's self. Like the dragon eating it's tail.

    But which came first the chicken or the egg...


    Lucky for me I go to Brooklyn every night.

  31. OMG, what have I done?

    This blog is bringing out the beastie in Bubbles.

    Waking up before I get to sleep
    Cause I'll be rocking this party eight days a week.

  32. What are the noise ordinances in Berkeley's cyber-space?

  33. Are you guys in a comment competition?
    I help bringing this up to 35 and I do not know if I should send kudos to T-man for pointing me into this direction...Smooth sailing anyway!

  34. Fred, thanks for stopping by.

    I think I'm the one who should be sending kudos to Tillerman for pointing you in this direction.

    And be sure to tell everyone you know that, for every comment left on this post, $25 will be sent to the Save The Sad-Eyed Puppies Foundation.

  35. I have nothing to add here. I'm just commenting on your new blog because I can ...

    experiencing a strange deja vu, too...

  36. That caught me, too.

    I was halfway through replying to a comment Tillerman left here and I started thinking, "Uh-oh, I'm in Bizarro Blog World."

  37. "I feel so much more comfortable here."

    oh, my. That made me laugh so hard.
    Welcome, O Docker! eat? sleep?

    you are so funny!

  38. With the A,B and C docks temporarily gone, does that make you a temporary "L Docker"?

  39. fullandby, no, I would never leave my beloved O dock.

    The refugees from those hardscrabble docks are showing up on our concrete shores, though, disheveled, malnourished, dinghy painters dragging in the water.

  40. I recall seeing the new dock plans showing "A" and "B" replaced, but with the "C" dock left out to make more room for the latter two fairways. Does that make the existing "D" dock the new "C" dock, and etc..up the dock lineup?

    With the "O" dock, currently being the last in the lineup, not soon move down to "N"? Will "O" dock soon be just a blogger's state of mind?....a "Margaritaville" of sorts?

    Or, will they just skip the "C" dock all together, like the 13th floor button on elevators?

    Have you approached the city council members to discuss this! Your blog is at stake O-docker!

  41. My blog?

    My very identity!

    And the morning was going so well up to this point.

  42. Wow, all these comments - and O Docker didn't even have to use the trusty sewage angle!

    Better keep an eye out on the comments section.

  43. How very appropriate, however, if O Dock ceases to exist physically and becomes purely a state of mind.