January 1, 2011

An America's Cup For The Rest Of Us


This just in to the O Dock newsroom....

Fresh on the news that San Francisco has been named the official host to the 34th America's Cup, team Oracle is already demonstrating its commitment to sweeping changes that are promised to make the Cup more accessible to millions of TV viewers worldwide.

Not only will cameramen be allowed on the race boats themselves, but a spokesman for Larry Ellison today announced cameras will also be mounted where most previous America's Cup races have been decided - in New York State appellate courtrooms. For the first time in the Cup's 160-year history, yacht racing fans will witness live video coverage of all the heartstopping gavel to gavel action!

ESPN has been secretly working under wraps with technicians from George Lucas' Industrial Light And Magic to develop the high-definition 3-D 'DocketCam' that supposedly will explain in easy to understand onscreen graphics the legal maneuvers that make America's Cup racing so exciting.

ESPN's exclusive high-definition 3-D DocketCam shown mounted in a New York state courtroom.

Ellison said in a New Year's day interview, "The big obstacle to drawing a wider cup audience in the past has been that, after three years of legal competition, most people are clueless about what the heck is going on. We hope the DocketCam will solve that problem."

Finally, home viewers will be able to watch the drama of some of the world's highest paid tort attorneys deftly maneuvering to force their opponents into costly errors just before the start.

"This is match racing at its finest," Ellison said.

Remember, you heard about it first here on O Dock.



  1. I love torte. Especially Sachertorte, Linzertorte and, best of all, Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte.

    How many torte lawyers does it take to make a torte? Please site references.

  2. Now this is the kind of comment that is always welcome on O Dock. It's witty, only vaguely related to the post, and full of incite.

  3. Oh sorry. I will delete it immediately.

  4. I'm having tortellini for dinner. Does that count? I could take a picture.

  5. Buon Appetito, Joe.

    You raise a good point. Why are two foods with such similar names so different?

    This paradox got me to thinking (well, to googling, anyway, which often passes for thought, today).

    It turns out that torte, tortellini - and tortilla, for that matter - all come from the same Latin root Torta, a kind of bread.

    In German, Torta became Torte, a rich cake.

    In Italian, Torta also means cake, but that led to tortelli, a kind of pasta, and little tortelli, as you might expect, became tortellini.

    In English, of coure, Torta became tort, which means a rich lawyer.

    The only thing richer than a tort attorney is a paradox.

  6. A plate of tortellini followed by some torte would make an excellent picnic while watching all the America's Cup action in the natural amphitheater of the New York State Appellate Courtroom.

  7. ... and we can take comfort that the extended courtroom drama will be absolutely tort-uous.

  8. Hey Arnold, are you there?

    It's me, a neighborly rodent. You can call me "Larry" now. It's the name of the fat cat (hate them!) whose office down in Redwood City I am poking around just now.

    I chose his name because he has a reputation befitting my (persecuted) species.

    He was just on the phone with Mayor Noose-'em. Lots of happy talk about getting the cup, and a big champagne (?) pledge. What a weasel (hate them too!!)

    Big deal for the City, says them. Personally, I could give a you-know-whose ass about that cup... unless there's garbage involved, that is. Apologies for the crude language. I can't help it, my parents were vermin.

    p.s. I got my flu contamination shot this week. Do you think these humans realize that we lick their keyboards clean every night?

  9. hi larry

    i guess we need to try to forgive the other larry

    after all he s only human

    i think

    cockroaches and rodents need to lead by example

    the other larry did bring the cup to sf even if only the accountants know why

    personally i m not buying this stuff about a natural amphitheater

    i did think for a while the cup venue was going to be in wichita kansas

    if you look at a map that's where you end up if you play both ends against the middle


  10. Bill Koch would've been thrilled with Wichita!